OPEN YOUR HEART AND I AM THERE
Self-love comes from living in ways that do not betray yourself.”
Barbara Brennan
“In order to become love, you are required not to define it, but experience it.” Meredith Young-Sowers
“The only internal relationship anyone ever has is with the higher Self… Self-love grows when you refuse to follow the impulses of anger and fear, trust that the universe is on your side, form your desires from the heart and watch the higher Self carry them out, believe that you are enough in and of yourself… put your attention on positive energies in every situation, honor your own needs without having to seek outside approval, and cultivate the peace of inner silence.
“…God’s ability to grant unto you is limited only by your ability to receive…” — Deepak Chopra
Most of us equate an open heart with love, unconditional love being its highest form. I suggest that an open heart is not an outpouring of emotion-filled sentimental love towards everyone (which can lend itself to condoning mistreatment of yourself and others and excusing unacceptable behavior). Rather, an open heart is a grateful heart; it receives love by releasing resistance – the resistance we have to forgiving ourselves and others, thereby accepting self-love and the abundance of All There Is. This sets the stage for unconditional love, a love not clearly understood. Unconditional love means you accept others as they are and wish them no ill-will, i.e., you are without malice and desire only good for them. It’s a love that is birthed in the center of our being, the solar plexus, then expressed by the heart, because, on its own, the heart can be led by emotion. Therein lies the confusion. A “pure” heart works in concert with the intuitive, discerning solar plexus.
In themselves, the universal language of emotions are inner messengers with information to be valued and honored if we but listen. In regards to love, emotions help us form attractions and bonds to a partner, our children, our culture, and the beauty around us. Nevertheless, emotions can also be distorted by inner shadows that lead love to express itself as zeal and projected angst, allowing us to follow harsh dictators (both without and within), national and cultural aggression and misinterpreted religious beliefs that persecute others in the name of God, Allah or the like. The same person whose eyes fill up at the little heartfelt stories that fly from one email to another, can explode into anger an hour later at some perceived injustice towards them. Even though we may deeply love our spouse, children, and friends, most of us have found ourselves tossing judgments or verbal assaults their way at one time or another (or repressing them into self-loathing). By attaching a “because of…” to our emotion, we often blame, projecting anger and frustration (or turning against ourselves), giving form to shadow, reacting rather than responding and listening to what these non-judgmental emotions are trying to tell us about ourselves or others: emotions informing as opposed to emotions leading.
How do we reconcile these disparities of love? By becoming conscious, releasing resistance, and recognizing that unconditional love is a by-product of self-love, the doorway leading to it. When you open your heart with gratefulness and give way to wholly accepting, respecting and loving yourself, you receive the power of grace that has been waiting for you: the awakening of the higher Self (inner Christ, Buddha, Goddess, etc.). Then, and only then, are you capable of unconditional love. You express the divinity and the harmony that lives in everyone and pervades all life. Ego no longer runs the show; it is now in service to the Self. This self-love necessitates an end to the inner struggle of ego-in-charge, the cause of distress in all of us (because ego is unable to detach from the outcome or wanting control). Whether our bodies are healthy, diseased or otherwise suffering, releasing resistance to this grateful love (forgiving all) brings us peace. It is the whole point of the inner journey; all woes boil down to its suppression. It entails facing and accepting our fears, negative habit-thinking, regrets and denials, and taking full responsibility for ourselves: no victim thinking, martyr behavior, projected angst, or ego inflation. When we take responsibility for ourselves by opening our heart, we stop chasing imperfections, accept “what is” with gratefulness*, and recognize we are enough. Grace intervenes and we hold ourselves in the embrace of loving kindness. This grace resurrects the wisdom and creative power of the Self, a wonder to behold. Accepting what is (ourselves as we are; the situation as it stands) without judgement or attachment to the outcome, allows the Self to be liberated and take the lead and is a recognition of ego’s powerlessness to end the inner struggle. This recognition of ego’s powerlessness is what is meant by humility.
Until our own inner work is done, we often meet others at the level of our mis-perceptions and wounds, thereby having the opportunity to heal ourselves in the process. Then as we become clearer and more aligned with Spirit, more and more we meet the other at the level of the Divine. With the resurrected Self, we are no longer sidetracked by the distortions of the other; rather through the eyes of Divine Love, we see that same Spirit in the other. This is where we connect. This is where all healing occurs. The grateful love that emanates from a resurrected Self can do no less than recognize its reflection in everything else. It is our innate nature: how we see and treat ourselves is reflected in how we see and treat others. We often give ourselves away by what we criticize, harshly judge and find fault with in others. If we hold other’s feet to the fire, how our own feet must burn with self-judgment and recrimination, conscious or deeply buried. At the same time, it is healthy and normal to discern with whom we feel comfortable and wish to spend time, and with whom we don’t. Even in families, we may find we have an attachment of birth, but not an intimacy of friendship. It is not that we have a “kinship of personality” with all whom we encounter. Rather, what we recognize and acknowledge is our “kinship of Spirit”.
As we release resistance, forgive and lovingly accept ourselves and what is, our grateful heart is opened to receive the grace of compassion for others in the solar plexus of our being. That compassion allows us to move out of reaction and realize, just as we did with ourselves, that the wrong turns, unkindness, even brutalities, put forward by others are based on their own self-judgments, distortions, and suppressed hurts projected outward – we can forgive others even as we hold them accountable for their actions. With an open heart, we bring forth the higher Self, and in concert with the solar plexus, we cease to attract negativity and radiate the peaceful embrace of unconditional love.
*This is not resignation; we can work towards change as we accept what is.
© 2002 * Barbara Atkinson
